nerdofchaos:

recreationalcannibalism:

the-adequate-gatsby:

stultifyandstupefy:

derpes:

And God said unto Abraham, “Abraham.”

And Abraham replied, “What.”

God said to John, “Come forth and receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster.

And Judas approached the rabbis and Pharisees saying, “The one whom I kiss is the one you seek.”

To which they responded, “Gay.” 

And thus, god made Eve. And she was bammin’ slammin’ bootylicious.

see you all in hell

(via p-a-i-n-t-i-n-g-f-l-o-w-e-r-s)

itsdivinedear:

i’m home sick with the flu and i just received this email from my father

(Source: bonnieandclydes, via hithisisrachael)

padalikey:

ohana means family and family means shut the fucking door when you leave my room or i’ll fucking stab you this is the last fucking chance you little shit

(Source: akupitiyo, via wastedromance)